For the longest time I've had problems dealing with my emotions, either I felt too much or I didn't feel enough. However, I've always been the type of person who if some cries I can feel; it's almost as if I can feel what they're feeling. When I met my friend Sara, who had lost her boyfriend in Afghanistan, it was the hardest time of my life. With Anthony being on deployment and helping her get her life back together it was all too much to take in, too much pain for one month. Anyway, I had been suicidal since I was 7, I remember my elementary school suspended me because I "may be dangerous" to others and I had to go to a therapist; his name was David. I only had to go to him once, or at least I just remember going to him once and I still remember the things he's told me. He made it very clear that I wasn't crazy which was important to me because everyone around me treated me like a nut for wanting to end my life, especially at such a young age.
I was very young and naive, but what I felt was real. I was hurt. My world came crumbling down at such a young age and I just felt so much all the time. My dad was gone, my mother was with someone who beat her, my grandma was mistreated by my mothers boyfriend, I was mistreated all the time everywhere I went, and when it came to holidays there was so Christmas spirit in my house. I have been better and I have come up with stuff do to when I'm feeling the way I did, but even now I zone out and get in a funk...
What does this have to do with a cause? It's selfish that I chose this now during a time of grieving, but it didn't hit me til now. People tell me all the time that suicide is cowardly, but you will never know what that person is thinking. To feel so low and unless, it hurts, and sometimes living is too hard to do. I believe in suicide prevention, anything anyone can do for someone who feels as if suicide is the only answer. There are people out there who have no one to go to, no one to rely on and carry around this empty feeling and to have someone or something there to help you through the darkest of times is a treasure that you'll be able to keep for life..... So, with that being said, I finally chose a cause; suicide prevention.
I am so happy you decided to do this cause. The feeling of grieving and sadness in Central has been unbelievable the past two days, and I can include myself in that. Not only is this whole situation horrifying, but I feel like there isn't anything I can do about it. With this cause, you are showing the world that we can all take this terrible event and use it to prevent it from happening in the future. It still saddens me to know that we ran track with this kid, and hours later he is gone forever. I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I reached out to him, I could have saved him.
ReplyDeleteIn the aftermath of situations like this, it's hard not to feel like we could have done something. We try to take on others' lives as our responsibility. We can't really do that, and in all likelihood, as the kind of person who is feeling as you are, that you definitely would be a person available to anyone who needed you, and if you could have known, you would have.
DeleteAnd you're right, suicide awareness and prevention is something that deserves all of our attention. We can let people know that it will get better.
This is such a good topic and one that is sadly becoming more and more relevant. It's also obviously a difficult topic emotionally, but one that needs to be brought to light more because of its emotional complexity. Death is something that affects everyone, and I think that sometimes people don't talk about it enough because it is so painful and sensitive. Finding out what people can do to alleviate some of the loneliness and pain that leads to suicide and start a widespread dialogue about what high suicide rates mean for society is something important to look into.
ReplyDeleteI like how you chose this topic and really can relate to it. Because of what has been goin on around here so recently, I am not sure how it would be doing this. I still feel this whole topic could be a sensitive area to certain people, but the fact that you can personally relate to it through family is a good thing. It will eliminate the whole awkward and weird feeling about it. It is always best to be able to relate to a cause because it makes it that much easier to write about.
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