Having no where to go,

For the longest time it seemed as if no one could really talk about suicide, or at least it seems that way in my family. About four years ago my uncle committed suicide, the news was shocking to everyone. For the longest time my uncle had hid his secret about being gay from the world, but he was still picked on for not ever having women over, or things in that manner. Although my family didn't let me see the note I know he felt as if he were in a one man Army.

No one should ever feel as if no body is listening. AFSP has programs such as the interactive screening program, that reaches out to students on the web encouraging them

The Time That Passes

For the longest time I've had problems dealing with my emotions, either I felt too much or I didn't feel enough. However, I've always been the type of person who if some cries I can feel; it's almost as if I can feel what they're feeling. When I met my friend Sara, who had lost her boyfriend in Afghanistan, it was the hardest time of my life. With Anthony being on deployment and helping her get her life back together it was all too much to take in, too much pain for one month. Anyway, I had been suicidal since I was 7, I remember my elementary school suspended me because I "may be dangerous" to others and I had to go to a therapist; his name was David. I only had to go to him once, or at least I just remember going to him once and I still remember the things he's told me. He made it very clear that I wasn't crazy which was important to me because everyone around me treated me like a nut for wanting to end my life, especially at such a young age.

I was very young and naive, but what I felt was real. I was hurt. My world came crumbling down at such a young age and I just felt so much all the time. My dad was gone, my mother was with someone who beat her, my grandma was mistreated by my mothers boyfriend, I was mistreated all the time everywhere I went, and when it came to holidays there was so Christmas spirit in my house. I have been better and I have come up with stuff do to when I'm feeling the way I did, but even now I zone out and get in a funk...

What does this have to do with a cause? It's selfish that I chose this now during a time of grieving, but it didn't hit me til now. People tell me all the time that suicide is cowardly, but you will never know what that person is thinking. To feel so low and unless, it hurts, and sometimes living is too hard to do. I believe in suicide prevention, anything anyone can do for someone who feels as if suicide is the only answer. There are people out there who have no one to go to, no one to rely on and carry around this empty feeling and to have someone or something there to help you through the darkest of times is a treasure that you'll be able to keep for life..... So, with that being said, I finally chose a cause; suicide prevention.

A Cause....

Where do I start? There's so many causes I support, but after discovering that some organizations aren't so honest about where the money goes to. For example Invisible Childern, the thought of giving childern a future is amazing, but they aren't so honest. Over the weekend Jason Russell their film maker was arrested for public nudity and masturbating in public. When I read about this I honestly laughed to myself because lately there has been some talk that not all the money they raise go to their organization, and now THIS, really?

How do you expect people to take you and your cause seriously when you're doing that? Oh, and did I mention he was intoxicated? I'm having trouble supporting a cause, but I have no trouble knowing what I want to support. There's so many to chose from: gay rights, helping children out there have a better life, Autism, cancer research, etc. However, which one should I chose from? I was all for just writing about saving children out there from warlords such as Joseph Kony, but after all the hubbub with Invisible Children I just don't know what to do...